2012
Feb 13

Telling Time, a Valentine

by Hannah Holt »

24 comments


Susanna Hill  is running a Valentine’s Day contest over at her blog. The challenge is to write a story of unlikely lovers in 200 words or less. I really debated on whether or not to include my own rather cheesy entry, but I wanted to join the fun. So against my better judgment, here you have it. Click the mouse for a coloring page.

TELLING TIME

A humble mouse stepped from his notch
and met a lovely pocket watch.
Her hands were clean; her face was bright.
Mouse felt his heart race with delight.
(Sometimes love is blind as night.)

But I’m a boring soul, thought he.
This shining star could not love me.
Still hoping he could take it slow,
said he, “Come watch a TV show?”
(Time, of course, did not say no.)

That night Time leaned against his shoulder.
Mouse grew bold and almost told her.
Tomorrow, I can make amends.
Tomorrow, we’ll be more than friends.
(Have you guessed how this tale ends?)

A nervous Mouse woke right at dawn
but turned to find that Time was gone.
Poor Mouse remains a lonely dweller.
He loved Time but couldn’t tell her.
(Do you know a good time teller?)

You can check out the rest of the entries here. It’s a fun collection of unlikely Valentines!


  1. Joanna

    Hannah, this is very cool. The aside in the fifth line is brilliant. I love your poem!

  2. Catherine Johnson

    Wonderful poem Hannah! The rhyming is fantastic.

  3. RebeccaC

    A great poem AND a coloring sheet! I think my daughter’s going to love your entry as much as I do!

  4. Heather

    Rhyme is such a tricky medium and you have nailed it here. It was so much fun to read out loud, nicely done!

  5. Tara Oliver

    awwww I love it, Hannah! good job! I will print out the coloring page for my girls. :)

  6. Josh

    There’s even a good lesson in there!

  7. Penny Klostermann

    How precious is that? You are very talented.

  8. Renee LaTulippe

    Wonderful meter and rhyme, Hannah! And such clever rhymes, too. AND a hidden message for all us procrastinators. This baby’s got it all! Well done! :)

  9. Eric VanRaepenbusch

    Very nice! I admire your rhyming skills!

  10. Hannah

    Thanks so much! I wanted to tinker with this some more, but I didn’t want to miss the party. You’re making me feel like a million bucks, anyhoo! Your kind comments are making my day.

  11. Susanna Leonard Hill

    Wow, Hannah! This is clever and creative and very well done! I love the picture with it! Excellent job! You are making mine harder and harder :)

  12. grandma weight

    nice!!

  13. Rebecca Fyfe

    This is so clever. I love the cadence of the rhyming and the story is so cute!

  14. Cathy Ballou Mealey

    Hannah I love how this tick tock clip clopped right along with perfect bounce and meter! Great title too. Superb!

  15. Mom Holt

    I love the rhythm….it just carries you along. I was having so much fun already, but then I was delighted to see the message that culminated at the end. I agree…the fifth line “asides” add depth. This is a great entry!

  16. Erik -This Kid Reviews Books

    Very Nice!!

  17. delores

    This is wonderful. Everyone’s entries have been so imaginative.

  18. clarbojahn

    I love it!This is certainly different!
    And I love your blogging platform. I am so glad you joined the contest.

  19. Hannah

    Thanks again everyone. You’ve been very sweet today. Comment love is a nice kind of Valentine. :)

  20. Natalie

    How very clever! I loved the fifth line in every stanza. So unique!

  21. Vivian Kirkfield

    Oh my…this is amazing!
    I loved every word…and couldn’t wait to get to the next line to find out what would happen…but didn’t want to leave the line I was on. :)

    Your illustration (and providing it as a coloring book page for kids)is equally awesome!
    Thank you for sharing with us.

  22. Amy D.

    I love the parentheticals! Such a fun addition to the storyline. Thanks for sharing, Hannah!

  23. Ben

    I like it!

  24. Rena J. Traxel

    Cute! I meant to post my comment here, but accidentally posted on the post below this one.